painted lagoon's blue opulence

pirate nut and i know that bloody jack kidd doesn’t just find the meanest, vilest sea serpent and put her in the painted lagoon just because he loves her. knocking our heads together, nut and i came to the conclusion that bloody jack had something of value; something pirated (of course) – something besides our ezzie, that is…something to hide.

we questioned…why would bloody jack steal our ezzie? he knew we would track him to the ends of the universe to save our ezzie…yes even if it meant a duel to the death (of bloody jack that is), we were going to take back our sea hag – the spirit of our ship. ezzie is our occuli, she holds the divine sea hags magical powers – she protects our ship.....and what was giving that painted lagoon it's glowing, unnatural blue opulence. what evil plot to control the seven seas was bloody jack's twisted curls about to unfurl? ...what does bloody jack have that needs our ezzie's magic occuli and the scaly snake snood's vileness? there were questions the nut and i needed answered...and what better way to get an answer than to set our sails to the crooked island , dive into the painted lagoon, and rescue our ezzie!

the painted lagoon's sea serpent

bloody jack kidd roamed the seven seas and captured the most feared of the sea serpents to guard his stonghold on crooked island.

bloody jack never did know how to play pirates the right way! he had to find the vilest, meanest, ugliest sea serpent known as scaly snake snood to try and keep the nut and me from rescuing our ezzie from crooked island's painted lagoon.

we'll plot and plan, and think and snarl, we'll get jack kidd on the 'morrow. the painted lagoon, the vile snake snood - we'll say - hey ugly - we're in our pms mood.

Crooked Island

It doesn't take much to figure Bloody Jack out, in a minute or two we knew just what he was about. He kidnapped our Ezzie and set off to sea, out the Caribbean is where we knew he would be. There is and island there made just for that pirate. That name says it all if you know what I mean. Bloody Jack, I was sure, set sail for crooked Island. I bittly lil island with big ole lagoon, the perfect place for that bloody fool goon. Enough of this talk, he has a head start. Hoist that sail Rennie, its time to depart!!!

The Adventure Begins...

BLOODY JACK KIDD - that bloody fool boy, I detest his name, he knows how to annoy. I spit on his ship, The Sycophant Sea Truckler. Kidnap our Ezzie, that's what he did. That jaggoff, that jerk head, that poo of the sea. Me and Rennie searched high, me and Rennie searched low, and I'm tellin ya this cause this I Know; that Bloody Jack Kidd done came and took Ezzie right off of the prow. The Divine Sea Hag looks barren somehow. So me and Rennie, we got work to do you see? We have to rescue Ezzie somewhere out at sea. Lucky for us that Bloody Jack isn't too smart, I know where he is, I know just where to start. Follow our story, follow our tale, the adventure begins and the Divine Sea Hag sets sail.

Ode to Ezzie

So you like Ezzie? So do we! She’s our mascot, our champion, our sister of the sea! On the front of our ship with her hair in the wind, she’s the best darn old sea hag there ever has been. The Divine Sea Hag, our ship named for her. She’s stood by our side where ever we were. She’s glorious and fine, her grey skin so divine, I just can’t say how lucky it is that she’s Ren and mine.

bloody jack kidd

whilst nut and i were on our quest to find our beloved esmerelda, we discovered, hidden way back in the family closet, among the jolly roger bones, a long forgotten branch of the pirate kidd family....bloody jack kidd...and he's our cousin, a stinking evil bad bad person. did he steal our esmerelda?


could this sweet little tow headed boy really be the evil bloody jack kidd?

the pirate kidd sisters and essie the sea hag

during the summer of "love your sea hag", pirate nut and i roamed the seven seas, and combed the local beaches for our personal sea hag to love. the only clue we had was the picture mom took one day, long ago, at the beach. on the back was written, ren, nut, and essie the sea hag.

we had questions. from whence did esmerelda the sea hag come? how did we lose her? did we leave her at the beach...on purpose?

she was a little plump, did some fisher person mistake her for a bobber? or did some other kids steal her and use her as a beach ball?

digging further into the picture box, we found a picture of esmerelda and to our surprise, her sister isadora. two little sea hags, eating ice cream at the sea shore. where did mom get this picture???? was mom secretly a mermaid? a sea hag? or....oh a pirate????

divine sea hag

we love the divine sea hag. she is more than a sailing ship that takes pirate nut and me on endless adventures, she is a part of who we are! our own sea hag, esmerelda, rides the bow of the ship, keeping watch less some stinky foot mutants try and board our divine sea hag. no one boards this pirate ship without essie's permission.... and woe be to any ship or master who attempts to swing their grappling hook over to board the divine sea hag - you don't want to upset the hag.